Are in the midst of this right now with our 17-year old son — who we started a year early in school. It may not seem like much, but he’s always the youngest in his class. Our theory was that he would be the little brother who always has to work hard just to keep up, while not realizing why. We always praised the effort rather than the grade, in the hopes he would learn to work hard instead of being in the situation you describe.

Even as a young boy, he still far exceeded his classmates in certain area — i.e. the ones he cared about. A great athlete as well as reading at levels far, far above his grade level. My wife and I congratulated us on our wise decision and celebrated our brilliant son.

It didn’t work out that way in the end and I find myself questioning our choice to start him early. (Under new laws/rules in California, he would not have been permitted to start when he did) Once middle school hit, he became in indifferent student at best, he stopped playing sports at 15, and he’s reading the same books now that he did when he was 10.

He’s also a phenomenal musician who plays blues and jazz with men 3x his age. He practices hard several hours a day. He gets paying gigs. He will go to community college next year, although I would bet even money he doesn’t graduate.

My wife is the child of immigrants herself, and the first in her extended family to attend/graduate from college. She had many of the same pressures of which you speak and received a degree in a field she would never work. She’s a designer and a photographer, and she loves what she does now.

Recognize that part of what you are experiencing is the tremendously rare and (arguably) valuable (western) notion of freedom. Funny thing about freedom is that people don’t always do what we want or what we think is “best” for them — but the hope is that they learn to make good decisions and find a path that allows them to grow.

Should you have worked harder? Perhaps. Does it matter now? Not a bit. The world is filled with miserable lawyers, find a way to be the best at something that matters to you. I guarantee that you’ll work hard then-