Every family, child and situation is different — but I 100% agree with the themes of your post, Angela.

I can only speak to our situation, but it has worked out well for our oldest son. The rule in the family is no phone until middle school, and you have to contribute a nominal amount ($10). We installed a single app so my wife could see every text/email that was sent/received, he was aware of it, and that was it. We never discussed anything we saw with our son and basically used it as a way to assess his choice of friends more than anything.

We did this for a couple of years and then stopped. Our job is to prepare him for life where he will be making his own decisions and live with the consequences. Scary for us? Sometimes, but that’s part of the job description.